Miss Jane's Blog

Here's to all WOMEN

2010-12-22T13:26:00.000+02:00

WOMEN are WOW.. just face it!!
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up for injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without new shoes so their children can have them.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about a birth or a new marriage.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all sizes, in all colors and shapes.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin! Women do more than just give birth. They bring joy and hope. They give compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends. Women have a lot to say and a lot to give. That's intuition at its best!

It may save a life or two if people can embrace the use of intuition, and learn to trust in it.

Remember: "What others do or say is their stuff; how we react, or not, is our stuff!"

Source: Evolved Women

Up your game during the festive holidays

2010-11-24T15:41:00.000+02:00

Image source

I may have lived almost three decades, but nothing beats the feeling of excitement towards the end of the year, when everyone anticipates the festive season. This is the time when everyone, no matter in which part of the world you are, makes time for family. Almost every home celebrates by hosting barbeques / parties that last till the wee hours of the morning.

The festive holidays bring a time of fun and relaxation, essential for some who work all throughout the year like there's no tomorrow. During this time there’s a lot that goes down that many may turn a blind eye or deaf ear to, all in the sake of having fun. Often, in many instances, children are left without any adult supervision. Parents are caught up in having fun with their peers and lack discipline on wayward children who end up in neighbouring night clubs, house parties and on the streets where they are exposed to a lot of disturbing activities.

A lot of teenagers are more vulnerable to substance abuse during this time of the year because no one takes the time to monitor their whereabouts. Some of the reasons for this behaviour relates back to problems at home, wanting to fit in the crowd, and general experimenting.

The festive season not only brings joy, fun and relaxation, but to some it can be the most stressful time of the year. What with family feuds that never seem to get resolved in every get-together, last minute shopping and overspending on your budget. The most sensible way of overcoming all this, is by planning ahead on the activities and money to be spent on your family during the holidays.

Lots of shops get decorated and everyone gets caught up in the festive spirit several months before Christmas. With most people struggling under the debt burden, and determined to get their finances back on track, the festive season should not derail that. It is ideal to always adopt a shopping strategy of carrying a shopping list that you stick to and always shop on a full stomach. Most shops have promotions or sales, and you do not want to end up in shops that you never planned on entering.

There are also many fun ideas on activities that you can involve your family in, which are also low on the budget. These include:

Visiting relatives in another town or country. You enjoy being in a different, unfamiliar place at no cost on accomodation and meals.
Baking Christmas treats and making special dishes for lunch. You won't spend money on the bakery and that fancy restaurant down town..
Decorating the Christmas tree.
Attending the Christmas Eve church service to sing carols.
Wrapping gifts for everyone.
Making your own Christmas cards.

Enjoy a stress-free festive season!!

Stuck in a rut with your dead-end job?

2010-10-29T16:30:00.000+02:00

I just turned 29 and went on a bit of memory lane, reminiscing over the most beautiful moments in my life and the things I've always wanted to accomplish in my life. I came to realise that we tend to spend too much time on the 'if only's and spend less time appreciating what we already have or what we've been able to achieve in life, and doing something about it.

I have just finished my post-graduate studies and I feel like I'm stuck in a rut. At this age, I've always seen myself as having settled down in my own house, married, done with school (with at least two degrees) and probable with two kids. But that's just not how things turn out to be. In most instances our time is lost in dead-end jobs that do not pay us what we're worth.

I have spent almost six months at home without a job and figuring out what to do next. I don't want to see myself in a situation where I'm always at the mercy of a slave-working boss, working my butt off and not getting rewarded for it in the end. I want to do something that will enable me to have enough time to spend with my family, and get paid for what my efforts are worth.

I've done some online research and found many sites that promise the moon, but deliver next to nothing. Then I discovered a site that has thousands of REAL work at home jobs and delivers real value. GoFreelance offers genuine, legitimate jobs that have already helped many thousands of people start real home-based careers and make stone cold cash. Everyday, companies around the world post real work-at-home jobs on GoFreelance, exactly what you would love to do if you are unemployed or need a change from your working schedule, allowing you to work your own hours while making lots of money.

Here is a link to a free ebook on how to start your own home-based business.

Make your long distance relationship work

2010-09-18T20:49:00.000+02:00

On my point of view, LDRs just suck. I have no other way of putting it. The lack of physical intimacy can be quite strainful on the relationship. The mere act of holding of hands, which can be taken for granted in most relationships, can feel like a dream waiting to come true. This, often times leads to multiple concurrent partners because of loneliness. However, this increases the risk of getting HIV and STDs,...so the best and healthy option is to just stick to one partner and be faithful.

Here are some tips to help your LDR survive and thrive:

Be clear on the parameters of the relationship. Be able to define the type of relationship you're in, whether it's dating, seeing each other, boyfriend-girlfriend, or engaged. It will save you great heartache and misunderstanding down the line.

Enjoy the me-time. Being in a relationship can sometimes be suffocating. So if you're in a LDR take the time to enjoy your hobbies alone and try out new interests. You'll also have plenty of time to spend with your friends and family.

Get to know each other. You have a lot of time to getting to know each other, ...other than physical intimacy which can sometimes be deluding. You can pursue common interests, even if it means pursing them apart. An example can be watching a movie you're both interested in, and then calling afterward to talk about it, or reading a certain book at the same time.

Communicate regularly and meaningful. This is important to establish and maintain an emotional connection. It doesn't have to be long and in-depth conversations, but just your little triumphs and tragedies, and asking for advice. Send e-mails, and small gifts for no reason. With todays technology you could even use webcams for visual connection.

Remember your commitment. A relationship is built on strong foundations of trust, understanding and determination to make things work. Avoid the temptation to be controlling.

Do not date him girl

2010-08-30T15:35:00.001+02:00

Aren't you tired of dating losers? I am! You've just met a guy whom you think is in for the long haul,... piece of advice, take your time and scrutinize him before you get in too deep. I've taken my time to prepare this post on the types of guys you should keep away from. If he seems to be doing one of the things I've listed below, pack your bags and leave, he's just using you.

He does not give you his number and and when he calls, he uses a private number. Be wary gal, he has skeletons in the closet.
He seems to be 'hanging out' with the boys all the time. Truth be told, he has other 'things' that are keeping him busy which he doesn't want you to know.
When he sees you, it's during the week and never on weekends. He's spending his weekends with someone else.
He is not keen on introducing you to his friends. What this means is that you're just a play toy, nothing serious.
He pressures you for sex right at the beginning of the relationship. That's just what he wants from you, sex and nothing else. Guys never come up to you and ask for sex, they'll coax you into thinking they love you first when they're only after one thing.
He does not have a direction in life. These are the guys who seem to have no focus, and you're not quite sure what they do for a living. Stay far away from them.
He does not respect you. If you happen to show up when he's with his friends, he doesn't address you by your first name and he makes you feel like an intruder .
He has a girlfriend whom he's in the processing of ending a relationship with. Gal.... you better take a hike and never look back. He's already cheating on his girlfriend with you. What makes you think he won't do the same to you??
He has a history of being abusive to women. Even if he says he has changed, there's no guarantee that he won't one day get pissed off and end up giving you a blue eye.
He doesn't talk much about his family. This simply means you won't be meeting them...ever or... there are some family feuds that he doesn't want you to know about.

I hope you make wise decisions ladies when it comes to the men you want to spend your lives with. Never sacrifice what you believe in and who you are just for the sake of not wanting to be alone. Stop spending your precious time with losers!

Related posts:

Getting to know you
Men and Relationships
Dont Date Him Girl Until You Check Him Out First

Be the girl on that date

2010-08-24T14:32:00.000+02:00

Most of us women have turned to be so independent to the extent that at times we stop being ladies and worse, we stop expecting to be treated like ladies. We pay our own bills, support ourselves and children on our own. And who's to blame since in most of these cases the 'men' who claim to be men when they are actually overgrown boys do not pay up to their responsibilities.

....before I get sidetracked, my point was for the ladies, when you're asked out on a date, be a lady for once and get rid of the 'I'm a survivor' suit that always gets in the way when you're supposed to let your hair down. Let the man do his thing and appreciate him by being a girl.

Don't tell him where you'd like to go. Let him pick a place and in this way you'll find out how he feels about you. I for one like to be dined in up-market restaurants. And if you take me to McDonalds or Nandos on our first date, I'll be secretly looking at this stingy dude who thinks I'll be in for the long run!!! A guy has to impress on that first date. It may not be likewise on all the rest of the dates,(if he gets that far) but the first one should be special.

Don't tell him you'll drive, even if he drives like Michael Schumacher. If he happens to ask you to drive, rather take a cab and tell him you'll meet at your destination. It would just be inconsiderate of him, what with your 3 inch stilettos and sheer cocktail dress that has to be creased now all because he asked you to drive!

Don't tell him you'll pay half. I'm a bit too sentimental on this one. It's just a big NO for me. He asks you out on a date, then you have to split the bill??

Who should pay on the first date.

Treat her like a lady.

You are a woman with a potential of being great

2010-08-09T11:50:00.000+02:00

Things that have happened to you, happened so that you can be where you are today. The beauty of life lies with what great things you have accomplished and the feeling of fulfillment thereafter. But in most cases, full potential is never realized due to the fear of failure. What great attempts would you make or would have made if you were told you wouldn't fail?

Fear can paralyze you, and...

It generates more fear. You focus on people who have failed before you and you most likely end up like them. You lose faith in yourself because you've seen other people fail.
It causes you to be inactive. You stay in the same place for a long time; hanging on to toxic relationships, dwelling in your divorce that happened years ago, forever crying over your ex-boyfriend. This steals your joy, destroys your potential, and you live in the shadow of big giants and you never become yourself.
It wastes or destroys energy. When you don't have energy, you don't have you. Do not lose yourself in an attempt to overcome the fear of being alone. Be sound and take charge of who you are. Take care of what cannot be taken away by anyone and be strong in your image.
It weakens you. Having friends who are failures will only have one outcome, you also become a failure. Choose friends who will not compromise who you are and what you believe in. You will never long for the best if you don't think the best.

When fear stands; stand too!

One thing no one can ever take away from you is that you are a woman.

You conceive and give birth; you bring life to planet Earth.

You are extarordinary, powerful and blessed.

Do not let anyone make you think otherwise.

This is your time!

Out and about

2010-08-06T19:50:00.000+02:00

This is me and my brews, mostly cocktails.

Pina Colada

I can't recall the names of the last two, I always experiment with the 'pink' drinks.

Savanna cider

The views.....

Braai

....almost every weekend, at home, friends parties or with my post-graduate collegues at the University of Johannesburg.

Swazi girl unleashed for beloved BlogTrotters

2010-08-04T19:34:00.002+02:00

I got all excited when Cara asked me to be featured on BlogTrotters, but at the same time pulling my hair as to what I was going to write about. I decided to let you in on my life as a Swazi girl. Hope you enjoy the tour.

Once upon a time, the Swazi girl was considered an asset to her family because she would one day bring wealth to the family through lobola (dowry) when she was ready to be married. Back then a girl would be brought up and prepared for marriage by the age of 16, and most of the time it was to a wealthy man.

My younger sister, dressed up for a Swazi traditional wedding.

Wealth was based on how many cows you had,...it still is. A father had to be reassured that his daughter would be well taken care of. That’s how things used to be, but all that has changed though in some parts of the country this culture still prevails.

Cattle at a farm in Siteki.

I have lived in Swaziland for a better part of my 28 years of life in a small rural town called Siteki. That’s where my family still lives… and in case you're wondering, I'm not marrried to a rich man, in fact a girl my age would be long married by now, maybe going for the 10th anniversary. If we were still following that culture, then my dad would be a very wealthy man, since he has four beautiful daughters.

Me and my sisters.

I have always enjoyed visiting home so to get away from the madness of living in the suburbs. I get to take full breaths of refreshing air,… without choking on exhaust fumes. I also get to see the beautiful Swazi landscapes without being obscured by sky-scrapers.

A view from the Lubombo mountain, Siteki.

Siteki is one of the smallest towns in Swaziland, and it's surrounded by families that know each other very well. It is almost easy to spot a stranger or a visitor in town. Creepy .... and it may sound like one of the scenes in a horror movie, where there’s a new guy in town and everyone seems to be giving him the 'who the hell are you, and what do you want in our town' look, but Siteki is a peaceful place to be and visitors are most welcome.

Our hotel in Siteki.*

For us, it is normal to have chickens scurrying around, cattle grazing on the fields, also seeing game park animals since we have a game reserve not too far from home. It’s beautiful!

Chickens at my grandma's place.

An ostritch at Hlane Game Reserve.

Rhinos at Hlane Game Reserve.

There are also many farms around, some of which provide us with dairy products, maize meal and lots of vegetables. There’s even a mill where the maize is ground to pap (porridge) - our staple food.

A maize mill in Siteki.

Goats at my grandma's place.

A pig in one of the farms in Siteki

A cow being slaughtered for one of the many family gatherings.

I always enjoy having the chance to eat a full traditional and organic meal, no pizza or McDonalds burger; also gathering with family and child-hood friends for tell-tale stories, no TV or PlayStations; just the simple life of a Swazi girl.

* Image source: Siteki Hotel

Kids can bring humor into the 'not so perfect' lives we live

2010-08-03T20:19:00.001+02:00

Being a single mom can be hectic at times especially when it's coupled with naughty six year olds who just have the perfect time to get to your nerves. Everyone says it's a blessing to have a child, I also feel it at times but the up-bringing part can be chaotic with modern moms, who still have a lot other responsibilities to prioritize. I am a good mom, and I love my daughter very much, but at times I feel like locking myself up in a secret room where no one can find me for a day or two.

To kids, playing can take most of their time. Even though this can give you some time to yourself, it can also be taken too far. What do you do with kids that go out to play until 6 p.m, and you have to go out to find them and bring them back? This is even worse when you live in a neighbourhood where everyone's like family and there's other kids the same age group as yours living next door.

With having so much to do, coming back from work, exhausted, you still have to see if the kids have homework by checking their school bags, throwing out left-over lunches still in the bags, collecting dirty laundry and school uniforms left all over the floor, deciding on a balanced meal to cook for dinner and having to prepare it. Having all this up your sleeve you still have to go out to find 'chipmunks' who don't have eyes to see that the sun has set and it's time to head back home.

I don't know if I'm the only one but this just gets to me and made even worse by the kids not listening and doing what they're told to. This other day I had go out to get my daughter and nephew (both six years old) from where they were playing. I had been calling out their names and sending some of the other kids from next door to get them but to no avail, and I already had a headache with all the house-work that needed my attention.

My mission was to spank them as soon as they got into the house. After finishing up with what I was preparing I went after them to their room, and I guess they saw how angry I was when they passed by the kitchen. To my amazement I found each one with a belt in their hand, waiting for me and both saying at the same, "Please start with me mommy!" I was lost for words and the only option was to burst out in laughter, even though I still felt angry.

I guess that taught me a lesson, that kids do not really have a clue to the 'hectic life' we always talk about. To them it is Greek. Life is having plenty of time to go out and play, having a good meal and getting everything that they want. They don't understand how we struggle to get all those things, the food on the table, the clothes they wear and still having to come back home and take care of the entire household.

In spite of all this, I think it's good to have them because they take away this serious outlook to life we adults always have and bring out all the humor in it.

Love List: Should I be bothered to have one?

2010-08-02T13:34:00.000+02:00

I have a love list, and right now I’m thinking if it is realistic or not to have one. I’m just finding it easier to have it rather than being exposed to kissing a lot of frogs till I finally find my Prince Charming. What happens then should I fall in love with someone who doesn’t fit in the list?

A typical love list:

Must have a College degree
Have good family relationships
Sense of humour
Love children
Be a christian
Love travelling
Know how to dress up
Be focused and have set goals
Sociable
Love life
Be at peace with himself

(Some lists go to as far as the colour of socks.)

This is not just some crazy list that you think of to make one day just for the fun of it. It is made because of being tired of broken relationships and always finding yourself in the same situations all the time.

Do you think it's setting the standards too high and risking the chance of losing someone who could be a soul-mate just for the sake of a list?

The Love List

Multipurpose inventions you cannot live without

2010-07-29T16:30:00.000+02:00

There are so many inventions all around the world that at times I start to entertain the idea of inventing something myself. I know a lot of friends and relatives who are always on the look-out for what's new on Glomail or Verimark that could make their lives less complicated. This ranges from kitchen appliances to the latest gadget by Apple. Just the other day on TV they were advertising a kangaroo keeper which is some sort of bag organiser.

This got me fascinated. All these years we've been able to manage without a kangaroo keeper for all the travelling trips we've made in our lifetime. Then bang ... the kangaroo keeper, and you'll feel like you can't live without it. With us ladies, we've never had a problem with emptying all the contents of our handbags and packing everything back again so to find that lipstick we needed for a touch up before a quick lunch date.

There are so many multipurpose appliances we have adapted to in our lifestyles that we never see ourselves living without, and yes...they can be so convenient and require less labour especially for some of us who are always on the go, but do we really need them?

SuperSteam Multipurpose Oven

Multipurpose Floor Mop and Handheld Steam Cleaner

Stainless Steel Multipurpose Blade

Multipurpose Food Processor

What happened to the traditional microwave, the hand-held knife or the ordinary mop?

News flash, you have a multipurpose utensil in your kitchen that you're not aware of. The multipurpose frying-pan. It's multi-functions:

to fry your eggs, fish, pancakes etc.
to ward off stray dogs from your yard.
to silence hyperactive kids scrurrying around in the house.
to get even with an abusive husband. (Insired by Tyler Perry's Madea's Family Reunion).
to straighten the mind of a lunatic who thinks he/she alone can go pscho. (All My Children).

What have you found so convenient that you can never live without?

A penny for Miss Jane's thoughts

2010-07-27T19:49:00.001+02:00

I have one life to live, ONE!!! If I keep on wishing things could change, how long will I live in that procrastination. I have big dreams for my life, then what’s keeping me from fulfilling those dreams? I hate my job, yet there’s no one putting a gun to my head to stay in this office. Why am I still here?

A lot of our lives are always consumed by fear of change, fear of the unknown, fear of starting something new; even if that ‘something new’ has always been your dream, something you're passionate about. We never want to leave our comfortable couches or the things that we’re used to.

You get used to the evil neighbour whose always threatening to kill your puppy which likes chasing after butterflies in his well kept yard; the demanding boss who wants you to be always on your tip toes; your mom who visits every weekend just to make sure that you have a good balance between your career and your household.

Tired of all that? Will someone just tell me what keeps us then from moving to the other part of the continent, away from the evil neighbour, and the nagging mom? Whose holding a gun to your head to stay in the office where you work like a slave? Why can't you just take a vacation to Seychelles, start writing that book you’ve always dreamed of writing??

Life is so precious to be spent wishing you could change your circumstances. Why not start right now as you read this article and make a list of all the things that are toxic to your well being, and start planning on how to detox.

This is just one of my thoughts that happened to turn out into an article.

How to stay motivated during the job search

2010-07-19T20:16:00.000+02:00

Image source

The world of work is constantly changing, and while having a tertiary qualification can increase your chances of getting a job, it does not necessarily guarantee it. One of the main reasons for this is the increasing intensity and scope of competitiveness, and as a result to stay on top has become more difficult. Success is now about your understanding and maximum use of your abilities.

Job hunting can get you down while it is crucial to have a happy puppy syndrome and maintain it, unless you want to portray yourself as someone in the doldrums. Here are ways to avoid the job searching slumps and stay upbeat:

1. Organize your day.

Structure your day with the same discipline as you would a work day. Include network activities, research activities and cold calls. Record all results and make sure to follow-up. In this way you will be able to maintain and feel in control over the job search.

2. Build a support network around you.

Avoid the negative types who distract or discourage you from your job search. Instead, observe and learn from successful professionals who you look up to. Surround yourself with people who will motivate and inspire you rather than bring you down.

3. Remind yourself of past achievements.

It is easy to lose confidence in yourself if your job search keeps on extending and doesn’t produce positive results. It is a good idea to remind yourself of past accomplishments, even whilst re-energizing and rethinking the strategy for your job search.

4. Learn a new skill.

You may want to use this time to learn a new skill, through taking a short course or reading books. It can be other areas you want to develop or fine tuning technical skills related to your industry. These skills can be included in your CV once done.

5. Do some volunteer work.

This is one way of making yourself useful, and it widens your networking circles. You can enjoy learning a new activity, at the same time have the immense satisfaction that comes with helping others.

How to Squash Negative Thought Patterns

Why Great Challenges Can Often Lead to Great Influence

The About.Com Guide To Job Searching: Tools and Tactics to Help You Get the Job You Want (About.Com Guides)

10 things to do before you have children

2010-07-18T20:10:00.001+02:00

Having children can be one of the most dearest and lovable things you could ever encounter in your life, yet at the same time it can ultimately change your lifestyle. There are some things that you can no longer do when you have kids around, especially inquisitive little 'chipmunks' that want to know everything that they see or hear. Part of this also comes from the fact that there's a little someone who's dependent on you, and who'll want your undivided attention 24 hours a day.

This is a list of things that give me an adrenaline rush, and which I wish I had done or did more of before having a child (some of them are still in my bucket list).

Image source

1. Go club-hopping in Johannesburg till the wee hours of morning.

2. Pack and go without having a clue of where I'm headed.

3. Find a secret spot where I can occasionally go to for peace of mind, away from everything and everyone.

Bungee jumping in South Africa

4. Go bungee jumpimg.

5. Volunteer abroad for 6 months.

6. Go skydiving.

7. Take a ride in an Army jet fighter.

8. Dive with sharks.

9. Buy a superbike.

10. Invent a couple of cocktails. Who doesn't love them?

Related links:

Feeling like you're stuck in a rut

2010-07-15T13:01:00.000+02:00

I'm not an expert on inspiring and motivating other people, yet I always feel like I have accomplished something by sharing some of the things I learn through reading; things that make an impact on a person's self assurance.

I know I have written posts on motivation and inspiration basically for the jorney of life, but have you ever felt like you're still stuck in a rut, even after all that reading? I happen to be one of those people. You read a book for a week, and you have this new outlook to life. Some of the books even have worksheets that can help you apply what you've read to your everyday life, and you try to maintain your life based on those concepts and somehow it really changes you.

Yet there comes a point where all this just zips out of your head and you're back to square one. You feel stuck, without purpose, and everything in your life seems like such a burden. And you know what comes next ... stress, panic attacks, hypertension, and in extreme cases heart attacks.

I wish I had studied Psychology so I could have researched and found a way to change how our minds work sometimes. But I would like to hear what you have tried and found that it worked,... for the long term.

5 great books every woman should read

2010-07-14T20:39:00.000+02:00

I'm a bit of a nerd when it comes to books, and it can be anything from science to the latest fashion magazine. I get so engrossed in what I'm reading to the point that I get lost and become part of it. It's more like the feeling you get when watching a movie in 3D. I've made a selection of books that I think would be great reads for every woman looking for personal growth and motivation. Don't worry,...there's no science.

Steve Harvey comes to the rescue for women who still haven't got what the male species is all about. He tells it like it is. Great for women struggling in relationships, or for women about to get hitched. It tells what you're supposed to find out about your man before you say "I do".

I recently read this book, and it showed me how I had been ignorant of the true meaning of success for all 28 years of my life. If you're amongst the many of us who think that success is all about achieving your goals and making your dreams come true, then you need to read this book to find out what true success is.

Don't mistake this book and classify it as one for women dealing with broken hearts. It's about being conscious and aware of your emotions in every part of your life. Get ready to release those negative feelings that make you doubt yourself and awaken unconditional happiness.

This is your road map if you're twenty something years old. It takes you on a spiritual understanding of all the roadside stops or road blocks you may encounter on your life's journey. Each chapter ends with questions or things you have to reflect on and change in your life for both personal and spiritual growth.

A fun filled Christian book by a couple who give us an insight on how to play the dating game. The authors use witty, light-hearted humor and candid points of view to make you more comfortable with controversial issues. They change one's thinking about dating and marriage, showing you how to rid yourself of the "desperate", and instead to become "marriable".

Working women: 5 tips to work your way up to the top

2010-07-14T15:32:00.000+02:00

Gone are the days when women used to be treated like second class citizens. Even worse, some women would be tied down if they married under traditional law, or ‘under community of property’. These women would be limited in their rights of ownership and access to credit in the absence of their husbands.

Women have always been faced with cultural, economic, educational and legal barriers. And this has been one of the major barriers to Africa’s development. Women were never allowed to have managerial positions in the workplace.

But the time for that has long gone, as more women are doing what they want and have the right to choose how they live. This is indebted to the many organisations and countries that are empowering women through gender equality.

Women have what it takes to climb up the corporate ladder. Here are five tips to help you work your way up to the top:

1. Make a statement that cannot be ignored by branding yourself. Read more on Become your own brand.

2. Be ambitious and comfortable in your own skin. Never use the fact that you’re a woman as an excuse to let others judge you. Prove your capabilities.

3. Be on top of your game by being assertive. Speak clearly, firmly and express yourself freely. If you’re going for a job interview, do a back-ground research on the company that’s interviewing you. Be alert and interested.

4. Separate your personal and professional life. Find balance by scheduling your time wisely and staying organised. Also build relationships with people outside your workplace.

5. And finally, always promote your strengths and have a positive outlook to life.

Related posts:
Are You Headed Towards Career Failure
Antiquated Notions of Women in the Workplace

A tour in the life of a science geek living in Johannesburg

2010-07-13T13:02:00.004+02:00

Johannesburg, South Africa

Johannesburg, well known as Jozi, is the biggest town, and the heart of South Africa. You can probably find anything from the latest Dolce & Gabbana clothing collection to the newest of Tyler Perry 's movies.

There’s so many things happening in Jozi. To name a few - live concerts featuring local and international artists, so many shopping malls for us ladies who love shopping and keeping up with fashion and style of every season, and so many career opportunities for young adults.

All that can seem so near, yet so far away for a research chemist living in the big city, whose day begins from as early as 7am to as late as 8pm sometimes.

This is the weekly routine I lived by for two years:

Monday

• A plan has already been structured on what has to be done during the week.

• Performing experiments involving lots of concoctions that I always prayed wouldn’t turn into bombs that would blow up the lab since everything is based on trial and error.

• Always checking my lab coat for my cellphone so to dial 911 in case my heart stops beating from inhalation of smelly chemicals I don’t know, taking into account that other geeks are ‘brewing’ their own concoctions.

• Sometimes preparing overnight reactions which were left ‘brewing’ in the lab and I’d never sleep well the whole night, having nightmares of finding the lab in ashes or flooded the next morning.

• Lots of research on background information, and brainstorming on what’s best for project, also to keep up with the world of Science and Technology innovations.

The flooding and blowing part literally happened!

The ariel view of the University of Johannesburg - Doornfontein Campus (from our tea room balcony).

Tuesday - Thursday

• More of the above.

Come Friday, you’re lucky to knock off at 4 pm, and that is if all went well during the week. Otherwise, it’s back to the routine above, even taking up my Saturday.

My work station in the laboratory.

Saturday

• More ‘brewing’ of concoctions until I get what I want.

• All I have time for now is getting to the shops for necessities like FOOD, amongst other things. No time for movies, concerts, picnics…

Sunday

• Church in the morning. And after that all I can think of is planning work for the upcoming week.

That was basically my life in Johannesburg. Had no time to attend live John Legend or Bebe Winans concerts. No clubbing till the wee hours of morning. Rating the social life on a scale of 10, it would go for a -1.

The imaginative world of a six year old

2010-07-11T16:24:00.001+02:00

Tap into the imaginative and artistic mind of a six year old who draws everyday, whatever comes into head.

"This is mom at home with the remote control watching TV, and eating popcorn."

"Me and my friend looking out the window at my house. On the left is the kitchen cupboard with cups. My house also has a flag on top."

"That's my mom watching as I rake the lawn outside our house."

"Me and my friends."

"My mom, dancing."

"My mom and dad."

"A passenger train on the railroad."

"The South African flag???"

"Umm...I think this is the South African flag, not the one above."

Can you survive without facebook, twitter or your cellphone for even just one day?

2010-07-09T21:02:00.001+02:00

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I have a friend who sends almost 50 texts per day and is always on twitter and facebook 24/7. The cherry on top…, she almost sat on her new-born baby who was on the couch in their family living room, while texting!

Technology has taken over in every household. And this does not only apply to children, but parents too. As I’m speaking, I’m on my laptop and shutting everyone out so not to be disturbed while writing this blog post.

Everyone is either on facebook, texting friends, on twitter, watching TV, or on the play-station. We get busy with blogs, endless email messages that need more than one day to read, and unfortunately, time does not stop for Tom or Harry; the next day there’ll be even more.

Families no longer sit to chat or have meals together. Everyone seems to be in a rush, and if you were to sit and watch as your teenage daughter grabbed an apple (as lunch), and you asked her why she was in such a rush, you’d either get a shrug or a ‘why do you care’ look.

As for just an apple for lunch, no one seems to have time. I have to confess that I’m also a fan of the instant foods, especially noodles. Perfect for a six year old who when she gets bored, shows up on your study desk to ask for something to eat.

Our lives have become so complex. You hardly find children sitting with their grandparents listening to old tales and learning about their ancestral roots. I personally miss those days and it saddens me that our own children aren’t getting that opportunity.

The value of family has depreciated, and people have turned into strangers in their own homes. Parents have no time to get to know who their kids are as they grow, and what they’re involved in socially and academically.

It is up to us as individuals not to let the effects of technology innovations estrange us from our families and friends.

How has technology affected your life?

Have you thought about unplugging from technology?

Are Web 2.0 Tools Dumbing Us Down?

Is your motivation driven by a desire to look good?

2010-07-08T10:09:00.001+02:00

I know of a qualified medical doctor who gave up the world of medicine to fulfill his dream of speaking and training. He is now a leadership consultant and professional speaker.

Can you imagine the criticism he must have gone through especially from family who must have thought he was crazy to leave such a prestigious career?

The ability to achieve your goals is always activated by your motivation. If you want to make things happen, you need to be able to motivate yourself and others.

The problem with motivation comes when you are motivated to do things regardless of your beliefs. As a human being, (and this happens to most of us), you look for acceptance from other people, and in most cases thrive off those human interactions in your life. You enjoy having the respect of people that you look up to or value.

The deep-seated fear of looking bad, making a mistake, and looking foolish in front of others is what motivates most people more than anything. This drives you to do things that you don't really want to do. You do things because you want to look good to the people around you, and this often overrides what you stand for.

Doing things to look good is not necessarily a bad thing, BUT it should be in alignment with what you believe in. If the motivations that you have today are putting you in a cage, so to speak, then it's time you replace them with new motivations that will allow you to be in the driver's seat.

Motivation starts with you. Focus on your beliefs and what you want in your life, and let that be the driving force towards your motivations. If something does not fit with your vision then it's not necessary and does not require your attention. Let it go.

Blogging

2010-07-06T11:47:00.001+02:00

I never knew what a blog was until a month ago when I wanted to find out about making money online. A lot of the articles I read mentioned blogging as another way in which you can make money on the internet.

My intention was to make money, but the moment I started blogging I began to have a passion for it, I felt proud after every post I published, and I wanted to do more. It was no longer about money, but about doing something I enjoyed.

A blog is a special type of website that displays content / entries in a reverse chronological order, with the most recent entries appearing at the top, and that is the main difference between a blog and a website.

Many people use blogs for businesses; as online diaries, journalistic ventures or internet scrapbooks. Blogs can cover any number of subjects from politics to what you wore on your last date.

You do not have to be a computer geek for you to create your own blog. All you need to get started is an email address and something to say. I have outlined easy steps on how to set up your own blog:

1. Decide on a theme / subject area your blog will cover, keeping in mind who will be your audience (friends, family, business or profession).

2. Name your blog. There are no limits, it can relate to your subject matter or you can name your blog after yourself.

3. Choose a blog host. For first time bloggers, the Hosted Blogging Platforms are the easy route. These basically host your blog on their domain. They provide you with well designed templates, web address and rich text editors which make it easy for you to create posts. The most popular hosted blogging platforms are Wordpress, Blogger, Typepad and Vox.

4. Create your blog. A blog consists of three main components which are the header, the sidebar, and the posts. No technical knowledge needed, this is found on the templates, and it’s just a matter of choosing one which will work for you.

5. Write blog posts with good content that will provide value to readers. Posts should be well-written and updated on a regular basis.

6. Draw traffic to your blog by telling everyone about it. Add your blog URL to your email signature, link to other sites, and become a regular commenter on other blogs.

You can have your blog up and running in less than 10 minutes. If you want to make money from your blog, learn more on How Bloggers Make Money from Blogs.

Related links:
What is a blog?
Create a blog
Blog Mastermind

Become your own brand

2010-07-04T13:04:00.004+02:00

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If you were to describe yourself in three words, what would those words be. Is that who people think you are? Can you associate yourself with those words?

Personal branding is an important element in one’s life. You don’t have to be a celeb or a business owner who normally use the services of publicists. Or a job seeker who wants to create first impressions on a job interview.

An increasing number of people are realising what a nose job, and a new wardrobe can do to raise their profile. But do you really need to go to that extent to improve your personal branding?

The philosophy of personal branding comes from corporate branding which has always been the cornerstone of any business’s success because it helps to build its reputation and profile.

So when you think of personal branding, it is YOU who’s being sold, and think of yourself as the CEO of the company Me Inc. You are selling yourself to a particular market, which could be your boss, an industry, or even a live audience.

While you cannot change what people think of you, you can control how you present yourself, which can go a long way in both your professional and personal success. Your outer image should reflect what’s inside. This is what makes an impression on people.

You have to understand yourself and have a clear image of what you want to portray in order to create a personal brand. The easiest way is to describe yourself in three words. Think of three attributes you would want people to associate with you.

Have a clear understanding of what makes you unique, and don’t try to aspire to be anyone else. Focus on who you are and what you stand for within your chosen field. Your final step is to get the word out on what you have to offer.

Create good first impressions. People make lasting decisions about you based on what they see in the five to ten seconds of meeting you. And be consistent. If you can’t maintain something, simple don’t start it.

Free ebook on Personal Branding for the Business Professional

Personal Branding Blog

Who should pay on the first date?

2010-07-03T17:57:00.002+02:00

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You’ve had a great date, and you’re probably one of those eccentric women who love to be wined and dined in exclusive restaurants, and not your ordinary Nandos or McDonalds; then the bill arrives. Suddenly awkwardness settles over the table as to who should foot the bill.

Dating rules have evolved over the years, primarily due to the ever changing issues in gender equality. A lot of women are now CEOs of their own companies, they have high profile jobs, and the once upon a time notion that men earn more than women has deteriorated.

Because of this, more women have turned into feminists, and they believe that they too should contribute in a lot of things that were originally meant to be taken care of by men. Traditionally, men should be able to lead and be providers. And so, in the case of a first date, a man should seize the opportunity to show his Alpha male characteristics.

Paying for the first date as a man shows that you have standards, you hold yourself accountable for something. It also shows that you’re not a tightwad. If a woman thinks you’re the type who complains about every single penny, she’s not going to want to see you again. I certainly wouldn’t.

As a woman, you can be a feminist, at the same time be able to distinguish between being a woman and being an object. If a man has asked you out and is in the process of courting you, he should have the courtesy to pay for the date. It’s a sign he values you.

With some women, it’s more that just being a feminist, but an emotional aspect too. “I think it’s good to contribute to the date,” says a colleague, “Some guys assume that you owe them if you let them pay. And so it’s good for them to know there are no strings attached to the date.”

Well, it’s true, but assuming that the guy pays for the date, then it is up to you to decide on a second date or deny one. You can take care of the next bill if you feel you need to balance things out; in that way you’re both even.

To pay or not to…It depends on you. Guys - this is your chance to flash you feathers, and Ladies - let the guy be a gentleman.

10 women who changed your world

2010-07-03T14:40:00.002+02:00

These are strong, ambitious and phenomenal women who changed our world through the contributions they made in the history of man-kind.

1. Florence Nightingale 1820-1910

She changed the role and perception of the nursing profession by serving in the Crimean war, where she tended to wounded soldiers. She laid the foundation of nursing by establishing the first nursing school in the world in 1860, at St Thomas’ Hospital in London.

2. Marie Curie 1867-1934

She was the first female recipient of a Nobel Prize (Physics 1903), for the discovery of radioactive elements. In 1911 she also won a Nobel Prize for Chemistry. A few years later she helped in the development of the first X-ray machines. She was also the first female professor at the University of Paris.

3. Helena Rubinstein 1870-1965

She formed one of the world’s first cosmetic companies. Her business enterprise proved immensely successful and later in life she used her enormous wealth to support charitable enterprises in the field of education, art and health.

4. Coco Chanel 1883-1971

She was one of the most innovative fashion designers, instrumental in defining feminine style and dress during the 20th century. She was listed by TIME magazine as one of the top 100 influential people of the twentieth century. Her modernist philosophy, menswear-inspired fashions, and pursuit of expensive simplicity made her an important figure.

5. Mary Phelps Jacob 1891-1970

She was a New York socialite who invented the first modern brassiere; otherwise known as a bra, in 1913. Mary came up with the idea for her brassiere after she purchased a sheer evening gown for one of her social events. At the time, women wore corsets stiffened with whaleback bones and steel rods. She tried on the dress with one of these corsets, and found that the whalebones poked out visibly around the plunging neckline and under the sheer fabric. With two silk handkerchiefs and some pink ribbon later, Mary had designed an alternative to the corset.

6. Mother Teresa 1910-1997

She was an Albanian nun who founded the Missionaries of Charity in India, and later became an international figure of compassion and humility for her lifelong work among poverty-stricken and disease-ridden population of Calcutta. She was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1979, and in 2003, just six years after her death, she was beatified by Pope John Paul II.

7. Ruth Handler 1916-2002

She invented an anatomically improbable molded plastic statuette named Barbie in 1959. Since its invention, the Barbie doll has become an icon all over the world that functions as both a steady outlet for girls’ dreams and an ever changing reflection of society. This is seen in the history of Barbie’s clothes and the various “face lifts” to suit the times.

8. Marion Donovan 1917-1998

She helped revolutionize the infant care industry by inventing the prototype of the disposable diaper. Born in Indiana, she grew up surrounded by machinery and invention. Her father and uncle invented the ‘South Bend lathe’, used for grinding automobile gears.

9. Dr Mae Jemison 1956

A woman of many talents - chemical engineer, medical doctor, astronaut, professor, and entrepreneur. Born in Alabama, she was the fist black astronaut in NASA history. She heads the Jemison Group, which conducts research into positive ways to bring science and technology into everyday life.

10. Alek Wek 1977

She is a Sudanese-born supermodel who created more than a few waves at the age of 18 when she first appeared on the catwalks with her short hair and very dark skin. She challenged the Western ‘black beauty’ conventions of long, relaxed hair and light skin colouring.

My 2010 FIFA World Cup

2010-07-01T15:58:00.005+02:00

I’m not one of those crazed soccer fans, yet when the 2010 FIFA World Cup started, I thought, here’s my chance to become a soccer pro. I have all the time to watch each game and the repeats as well.

To tell the truth, I have no idea of what goes on in the field, except that the ball has to get in the net. I got so enthusiastic about the fact that it was being hosted in our neighbouring country; I could feel it.

So there I was, watching, from the Kick-off concert to the first games, regretting that I never used the chance to equip myself with vuvuzelas whilst I was in Johannesburg a few months earlier.

I think my enthusiasm lasted for about two weeks, I was getting bored. What’s the whole point of watching men chasing after a ball? I don’t even understand how the referee’s decision is final when the guy can’t view everything that’s going on, on all angles.

Anyway, just a week left and I can’t believe it will be over soon. I’m loving the buzz though, and the outrageous outfits. At this moment I’m in favour of any team that’s winning so to blow my vuvuzela.

My other interest is the WAGS!!! Gosh, these ladies do their thing right. You'd recognize a typical WAG by her fake tan, hair extensions, oversized-sunglasses, and the arm-breaking oversized designer hand-bags. And the tabloids just love them.

Most of them have turned their status into ‘jobs’. This goes in the likes of Wayne Rooney’s Coleen who has a perfume range, book, TV and DVD deals. And locally we have Matthew Booth’s Sonia who is also on the Mzansi celebrity list.

They just become a force of their own during the world cup, spending lots of money seeing new places and going on shopping sprees. The British WAGS were reported to have spent about 60,000 British pounds, shopping in Baden Baden (Germany) in 2006.

Who wouldn’t want to be a WAG? But it looks like they’re shunning away from being labeled as WAGS. They were banned by Fabio Capello from watching their men play, but it looks like they’ve been sneaking in to South Africa for the world cup games.

Great architect work, too, that went into the construction of the South African stadiums. My favourites being Moses Mabhida stadium in Durban, and Nelson Mandela stadium in Port Elizabeth.

Guess that’s just it for me on soccer. It's never going to change, unless maybe I become a WAG.

Would love to hear how YOUR 2010 FIFA World Cup went.

Exclusive World Cup WAGS 2010 Gossip

Spying on your ex

2010-06-29T19:55:00.004+02:00

I’m a voracious reader, and at the moment I’m reading this hilarious novel by Susan Dundon titled ‘To My Ex-Husband’, which I found at my Grandma’s house. Well, I have to admit, I was a bit hesitant to read it at first. I’m one of those people who doesn't give a second glance to anything that has 1980 or 1990 on it.

Emily is a 42 year old mother of two, getting divorced after twenty years of marriage, and this book is sort of like letters she writes to her ex-husband on her new life. This is one of the letters:

I wasn’t going to tell you this; I wasn’t going to tell anyone. But now, since I’ve told everyone, it only seems fair that I should tell you, too. Besides, I want to keep the record straight and this isn’t the time to start omitting things.

Edward (Emily’s soon to be second husband) and I were nearing the end of a bottle of zinfandel on Saturday night when I mentioned to him that you were having Linda and Annie to dinner so that you could introduce them. (Annie is the daughter to the divorcees and Linda is the ex-husband’s new woman.)

Edward listened, staring thoughtfully into his wine and twirling the stem of his glass between his fingers. “What exactly did you have in mind?” he asked. “Oh, nothing,” I said. “Just that I’d love to go peek in the windows.”

“Well, what are we waiting for?” he said, putting down his glass and reaching for the car keys. I couldn’t believe it, a man who would indulge my mischievousness, my naughtiness. But then, as I was beginning to discover, Edward himself is naughty. A naughty dentist. The man was full of surprises.

A few minutes later we were walking up your street, trying to stay within the shadows of the trees. Edward was completely cool, as though we spied on our former spouses every evening, but I was both giddy and terrified, I thought that I might wet my pants.

We sped up the front walk, and then around to the side of the house and into the sticker bushes. I’d had no idea how high the dining-room windows were. Even standing on our toes and gripping the window ledge by our fingertips, we could barely see into the room.

The big problem, though, was that you were sitting with your back to the window, and it was almost impossible to see Linda. “What do you think they’re eating?” Edward whispered. “It looks like some kind of chops.” Just then you got up from the table and moved toward the front door.

“He’s coming!” Edward said, grabbing my hand and pulling me through the bushes. We ran towards the gate to the backyard, but we couldn’t get it open. There was absolutely nowhere to go. I started giggling uncontrollably, so Edward pressed his hand over my mouth, which made me laugh all the more.

You never did come outside, as far as we know. We waited until we thought the coast was clear, then made our way back to the car. Edward walked; I ran. As we drove away, he said, “Didn’t anyone tell you not to run from the scene of a crime?”

I’m glad you didn’t catch us; it would have been awfully embarrassing…..

Such an enlightening, and entertaining commentary on the nature of love, marriage, and friendship. It gets me to think, I would have done exactly the same, rather than to sit and be gloomy about it. It's the perfect cure to an emotional hangover.

What's your view?

Link: To My Ex-Husband

Baby showers and Babies

2010-06-27T17:47:00.004+02:00

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I don't know if it’s my soft spot for babies or the fact that I’m a mom, I just go goofy-faced when invited to baby showers. This month I had the honour of attending two, missing one which was miles away from where I am.

The way everyone goes “uh…so cute” every time gifts are unwrapped to reveal tiny booties, small jumpsuits that would fit into a teddy bear, and polar fleece baby blankys that are so soft they're irresistible to touch and feel against your cheeks, is priceless. Nowadays you even get to see things you never dreamed existed, and how convenient it is to have them.

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All things are so pretty and adorable when small. As for me, I'm a big fan. And it’s not just babies, this also goes for puppies and kittens. This has also rubbed off onto my daughter, we’re thinking of having a puppy or a cat.

The other day, we had the pleasure of feeding a stray kitten which we found on our backyard. It was so cute, with a tiny pink-coloured tongue licking on the milk.

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When I’m with my daughter, she makes me see this beauty in nature that we often overlook and take advantage of as adults with our hectic lives. I guess all kids do and that’s why I love being with them, but for a short-while. (They are so hyperactive, they give me a headache sometimes.)

I also have the most adorable two weeks old niece whom I have the pleasure of watching everyday as she’s getting used to the new world. I’m always fascinated with how she’s naturally adapting to her surroundings, the fact that it only takes her less that five minutes to get full when breastfeeding, and then after sleeping, even if it’s a 10 minutes nap, she will want another feed.

I would love to hear your story of things small and adorable. If you're not a fan, then tell me your story of things small and creepy.

Here are links for baby gifts I liked on Amazon.com:

Getting to know you

2010-06-24T15:18:00.002+02:00

Take a trip on a weekend to the mall, and you will find a lot of us women shopping, shopping, and more shopping. If you’d ask me, I'd tell you all the corners of the malls I frequent, where to find what, be it a small ordinary mall like those in Swaziland or what you’d find in a big city like Johannesburg.

We spend hours, on a lot of instances until the shops close. And why? Because we know exactly what we want, and we don’t want to settle for less. You’ll find us turning a piece of garment a million times, fitting, and even checking other shops, then going back to point one, and that’s when we’re truly satisfied.

I wish we could also do that when it comes to other aspects of our lives like relationships. As young adults we tend to overlook the importance of getting to know ourselves before commiting to relationships. We rush into relationships without knowing exactly our values, goals, lifestyle choices, and the type of partner we would like to share our lives with. We put commitment first before compatibility.

The feelings we have in the beginning of a relationship are so intense that it can be difficult to view the relationship rationally. We are often blinded by this “honeymoon period”. (The period when we hide our bad habits, watch what we say, and try to put ourselves in the best light we can.)

Asking enough questions can help in deciding whether or not a person is right for you. And this comes with dropping the social persona in order to reveal our true selves. Listening is also quite important to prevent us from making premature compromises.

We often make the mistake of subconsciously thinking, “Maybe he(she) will change his(her) mind.” It is wrong to have an illusion that we can influence a person to change a decision, and it does not build a solid relationship. It could pose as a serious problem later on.

Everything starts with us. Only we can have ownership over our own lives, and this means questioning and answering ourselves as to what is important in our lives. This also comes with maintaining our values, goals, and lifestyle choices without serious compromise.

Choose the Right Attitude

2010-06-23T19:41:00.004+02:00

How many times have you been to a services providing outlet - can be a grocery shop, department store, or even where you pay for your utility bills, and you found nasty people who do not know what 'customer service' means? I know a lot of us have had more than one of those instances.

The mere sight of you just ticks them off. You greet the person and they either reply with a “yah”, not even giving you a glance, or they just do not respond at all. Ignoring that, you politely ask for assistance with whatever you came there for, and for some unknown reason, and to your amazement, you’re snapped at and you are left wondering what you might have done to provoke such an attitude.

To most of us this would not go down well, and where does that end? I think you all have an idea of what you would do if you were in that situation. This is just one of the many obstacles in life we are faced with that requires a response which has a lot to do with the attitude we choose.

Attitude plays a part in virtually every phase of our lives. It affects many people, our family and the stranger you smile at around the corner of your block. It is particularly important when facing the different challenges of life we all encounter. And in life there is at least two ways in which you look at everything. It’s either you are a pessimist who looks for difficulty in the opportunity, or you are an optimist who looks for opportunity in the difficulty.

Attitude is much more important than facts. It can overcome your adversity. We can never change the fact that people will act in a certain way. The only thing we can do is play on the string we have, and that is our attitude.

Life is 10 percent what happens to us, and 90 percent how we react to it. There is a quote by William James which says, “The greatest revolution of our generation is the discovery that human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.”

The attitude a person has often determines whether he or she is successful. It is not what happens to you that counts, but it is how you react to what happens to you. So we need to choose the right attitude.

Men and Relationships

2010-06-22T12:06:00.001+02:00

There is never a guarantee in life when it comes to human interactions. A lot of us have gone through some relationships that never worked out. This has brought so many heartbreaks such that you have either given up on love or you are still praying to the Universe for your Mr Right who is out there, somewhere.

What if you still believe in finding your soul-mate? Here are some truths that you need to know about men in relationships:

 When a man feels like a failure, he will stop giving to the relationship. Part of what keeps drawing him closer to you is how easy it feels to be with you and how easy it is to make you happy. When relationship issues come up and arguments start, men are at a loss. They don’t know how to handle it.

 A man wants and needs to feel like a HERO in the relationship if he’s going to stay for the long haul. Men need and desire to be understood by the woman they’re with. If a woman makes a man feel great in this way, there’s nothing that will take him away from her.

 A man’s love isn’t like a woman’s love. Women want their men to be humble, smart, fun, romantic, sensitive, gentle, and supportive. They want to look in their men’s eyes, who will then tell them how beautiful they are and that they complete them. But in true fact, a man’s love is simple, direct, and probably a little to come by. If a man truly loves you he’ll tell anybody and everybody that you are his woman; he will provide for you to make sure you have all you need. He will also protect you from anybody who says, does, suggests, or even thinks about doing something offensive to you.

You can read more on this topic in Steve Harvey’s book - “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man” found on Amazon.com, see link above.

You can also find more information on the website - http://insidethemindofaman.org/.

What Men Aren't Telling Us

2010-06-20T18:08:00.005+02:00

How many times have you sat with your girlfriends and one tells you a story about something her man did or said. You all look at each other, shaking your heads since you’ve all seen this kind of thing from men before. But you’re all still wondering - “What the heck was he thinking?”

On the other hand, men think we are the most mysterious and unknowable creatures living on planet Earth, and every young man grows up believing that. Men never think of themselves as mysterious or confusing, in fact they are always at a loss as to why we want to figure them out when everything about them is so simple.

Well ladies, this is what men aren’t telling us:

 Men suppress their desires, pains, fears and vulnerability to conform to the script of masculinity that is given to them. This is why men don’t talk to us or reveal themselves to us because they are afraid that we will see who they really are and we won’t like them.

 They do communicate; it is just that we sometimes cannot accept the simplicity of it all.

 They seldom play games - they’re not that sophisticated. If a man doesn’t call you after a couple of days after a date, it is either that he is afraid you’ll think he is a stalker, or he is just not into you. Simple as that!

 They are very insecure about how they look and what we really think of them. A man gets excited when you do small, nice things for him, but he is trained never to show that side of him.

 They are not subtle creatures. A woman might think that when she plays with her hair in a guy’s presence, then he should get that she likes him. Unfortunately men don’t know for sure.

 Men crave cuddling and hand-holding, maybe even more that we do.

 They are desperate to please us because they know we are far sexier and more beautiful than we’ll ever admit to ourselves, and they’re confused (but extremely happy) as to why we like them.

 They only need one thing from us - to let them into our mystery selves and tell them how we would like to be loved.

So there it is ladies. Stop tormenting yourselves and trying to figure out what your man meant when he did or said something. It is just that, there is nothing more to it.

I would love to hear your story of what you discovered about your man, and bring us all out of the tunnel. If you're a guy maybe you can be a darling and bring us into the light.

Resource:

What men aren't telling us.

10 Ways to Live a Happy Life

2010-06-19T18:59:00.005+02:00

Most of us do not live our lives to the fullest for a lot of reasons which when we really come to think of them, they are ridiculous. Why do we let inferior issues take charge of our lives and make us live in misery?

Here are 10 tips on how to end the misery and start living a more fulfilling life:

1. Learn to be grateful. Always focus on the good things in your life, and in other people’s lives.

2. Do not compare yourself with anyone because if you do, you are insulting yourself.

3. God never gives you problems without solutions. (No one manufactures a lock without a key).

4. When you are unhappy, life laughs at you, but when you are happy, life smiles at you. What’s more…, life salutes you when you make others happy.

5. Do not to judge the mistakes of others. It is easy to see others mistakes, yet difficult to recognize your own.

6. There is no need to worry about a problem that can be solved. If it cannot be solved, then what is the use of worrying?

7. Do not fill your eyes with tears when you miss an opportunity, it will hide another better opportunity in front of you.

8. “Changing the Face” can change nothing, but “Facing the Change” can change everything. Stop complaining about others, but rather change yourself if you want peace.

9. Mistakes are painful when they happen, but years later collection of those mistakes is called experience, which leads to success.

10. Accept pain and get ready for success. Every successful person has a painful story, and every painful story has a successful ending.

Let us live our lives to the fullest without regretting any lost times!

Life is a journey

2010-06-19T14:40:00.004+02:00

We live in an era where everything is all about how much wealth we have accumulated, status in society, and power. Our cultures have turned to being fast-paced, and results-oriented. If you do not drive the latest model car, have a prestigious job, and live in the upmarket suburbs, you are seen as ‘not making it’.

Everyone is faced with the constant pressure to want more. People are forever flocking to church or buying books with the message “God wants you to be rich”. Yet when you come to seriously think of it, if God wants you to be rich, is it to satisfy your own needs and desires, or is it for you to become the vessel to enrich His Kingdom on earth? This is just one of the many challenges we are faced with on our journey of life.

We often pride ourselves on being hard workers, go-getters and people who make things happen. However, much of this has to do with a deep-seated fear that if we ever slow down, stop pushing so hard or simple expect things to just show up with ease, the whole house of cards that is our lives and work, will simply come crashing down around us.

There comes a point in life where everything comes to a screeching halt, and our natural instincts are filled with jealousy, inadequacy and impatience, all because we cannot reach what society expects of us. We watch as our friends land grand jobs, find their true loves, and afford places of their own. We are left way behind and cannot help wondering when we would catch up; or if we ever will.

The truth is, those are not lost times. Our general outlook of life ought to be an insurance policy of strength instead of a liability.The stalled seasons in our lives are the most crucial we will ever experience if only we focus on what God’s goal for them might be. Though this may sound paradoxical, those dry times may be more beneficial to our future than the days and months we spend enjoying life.

It is all in the way we respond to these challenges that often launches us toward success, or digs us deeper into a hole. Our perspectives about the changes, shortcuts, detours, and roadblocks we encounter on the road of life drastically affect the mileage and quality of our journey.

It is said that every human being (without exception) has the ability to transform any weakness or suffering into strength, power, perfect peace, health, and abundance. God wants to show us the best path of our lives and He wants us to be fulfilled, but sometimes we all need a bit of tune-up before we are ready for the road ahead.

We ought to invest ourselves in those stalled seasons. They are gifts of unmatched scenery for those with hearts sensitized to see them as such. And we have to be content with where we are, on our way to where we want to be.

Life is a journey; live for the journey and not the destination. This road-of-life imagery holds the key to success in life.

Resources:
1. ‘Navigating Route 20 - Something’ by Erin Keeley Marshall. This is an awesome read and can be found on Amazon.com, see link above.
2. ‘The Art of Allowing' by Mike Robbins.
(http://www.mike-robbins.com/blog/2010/03/the-art-of-allowing/)
3. 'Life is a journey, not a destination' - quoted by Ralph Waldo Emerson.